vegas, grand canyon and lala-land

the bus ride between san diego and las vegas was just beautiful. we went through places like riverside and san bernardino that looked more mexican than mexico. and then we hit the san bernardino national park and began climbing the mountains. it was gorgeous. huge high blankets of mountain with deep gullies burrowed in and covered in matted shallow green vegetation. it looked like a massive bedsheet covering lots of sleeping giants, with jutting out arms and legs everywhere. and then we got to the top and it transformed into a desert. there were sandstorms and it got quite windy. we were travelling at the perfect time as night began to fall and we saw the desert at dusk. there were still mountains but they were sparse desert mountains and the light threw a perfect warmth across the land and cast the mountains in a blue shadow. then, with each row of mountain receding into the distance, the blue became whiter and whiter until it faded into nothingness. the silhouettes were literally breathtaking and, again, the landscape drew this emotional response. rach and i couldn't stop smiling at each other. it was misty, dusty, dusky and everything had an air of the unreal.

and then, in a dramatic emerging through the hills, we reached death valley and the land just plateaued for miles and miles and miles. you just couldn't see the horizon, the land just melted into the mist. it looked like the end of the world. and the sky was so huge. overwhelming.

and then, in typical american fashion, the rapture was quickly broken at the california-nevada border by a small casino outpost. flashing lights and neon overtook the serene landscape and we came back to earth with a bump. the orange light cast made it look like the place was burning until we got nearer. vegas itself was a sea of orange street lights. but, as we got into the centre and we adjusted, it quickly became obvious how ridiculous but funny vegas is. there were hotels that were disney-type castles, hotels that covered about 50 billion square miles. everything was over the top and flashing neon. certainly a different kind of awe was inspired.

our motel was 'the biggest super 8 motel in the world', which actually wasn't that big. it was a crazy mixture of flashing bulbs, mock-tudor fronting and crazy paving. very strange. we dropped our bags and headed to 'ellis island' next door which was the motel's casino. after 7.5 hours on the greyhound, we entered the casino looking like rabbits caught in headlights. there were so many fruit machines with so many people sat, yes sat, at them. and the place was full of the bleeping of the machines. we walked through into the bar, unable yet to deal with the business of gambling. and what a place we found! we arrived just as they were setting up the karaoke, which apparently they do every night until 3am. jeez. and it was possibly one of the funniest nights we've had. we sat at a table next to matt-the-competitive - a guy who moved to vegas to become a professional gambler who also fancies himself on the karaoke machine. he was a proper bitch about everyone else, saying how 'they put this guy on first to make everyone else sound good'. mieow. and he was actually quite quite rubbish. but americans seem to take the karaoke soooo seriously. all evening it was like we were at the auditions for 'pop idol' or something. i mean, some were actually very good, but surely that's not the point of karaoke?! they just didn't get it. we were so amused all evening, especially when matt said he was going to sing a song to get everyone more upbeat after a string of ballads - he only sang bluddy 'i like big butts and i cannot lie'! this weedy little white geeky-in-a-bad-way bloke. the big div. oh, how we laughed.

so we ventured out into vegas and snapped the crazy hotels. the mock eiffel tower, the mock statue of liberty (which, incidentally, seemed more impressive than the real one (?!)), the mock brooklyn bridge, the giant 45 foot golden lion at mgm, the huge pyramid with the beam of light shooting out the top. crazy. we did do a bit of gambling in the evening. sorry, mum, but i did put a dollar in the penny machine - though, really, it was only to get the ensuing free drinks from the waitresses so, all in all, i did get my money's worth. the dev was more adventurous and used some money sent by auntie pat to go on the roulette table. it wasn't too bad. she only lost 15 dollars... the best thing was the outdoor bar we went to with the cheesy '70s cover band, resplendant in the obligatory afro wigs and everything. we were up there dancing with all the oldies, showing them how it's done. in vegas there are millions of the middle-aged. and no children. which was nice.

we got all extravagant and booked ourselves onto a tour to the grand canyon. this led to a surreal moment when i caught myself saying 'right, we'll have a look about vegas today, fly to the grand canyon tomorrow, head to hollywood the day after and then fly out to fiji at the weekend'. rock and roll, man.

the canyon trip was ace, even if we did have to get up at 5am. we were transported to boulder city where we got into a tiny 20 seater paper (it seemed) plane. it was fab. you could see into the cockpit and watch everything the pilot and first officer were doing. you could see which buttons controlled what and everything. it was much more exciting than virgin bluddy atlantic, i can tell you that. you felt every single bit of wind, it seemed, and you also got fantastic views over all the country. we flew over the hoover dam and then headed towards the south rim. you could really spot the difference in the north and south rim. the north is much higher up so has vegetation all over it, while the south is barren. we landed and a coach took us to the edge of the canyon. it was spectacular. it was still only 9am so there was still the morning mist in the distance down the range which cast a bluey hue. you could see how the time of day and the change of light changed the mood of the land. the rock was very red but you could see how the sunset would make it even more amazing. the land seemed to change from blue to yellowy red to a light blue as you looked 180 degrees from right to left. i can't imagine how the first people to find this place felt. cos the thing is, i felt some of the awe-inspiring-ness was taken away by the fact that i'd already seen pictures of it. and also it's weird because we're seeing so many beautiful and spectacular things almost on a daily basis that you feel that you're not getting all of the full impact somehow. i mean, i was more blown away by the bus journey to vegas, if i'm honest, because it was all so unexpected. but then the flight home was also fab. in order to land the right way down the runway, the plane had to perform a 180 degree turn whilst going in to land. it was proper 'top gun' stuff, with the horizon getting all messed up. it was better than any rollercoaster.

and so we then had our very last greyhound usa journey to hollywood. i didn't actually realise it was the last journey until we were almost there. i found myself saying more surreal things like 'barry, i can see the hollywood sign', as the dev and i were sat on the bus. it's been a really weird week for that. los angeles itself is very underwhelming. there's a downtown with the skyscrapers which you largely ignore. it's then this big sprawling dirty grubby mess of several towns. we're staying just off hollywood boulevard, which is actually a very normal street. we went out yesterday towards the kodak theatre, which is where the oscars are held, and it is actually very ordinary. it's attached to a shopping centre, which admittedly looks very nice but is a shopping centre nonetheless. the walk of fame is also full of names you don't recognise. the hand and foot cement prints are actually quite cool. i was fitting my hands into some of them. i have about the same size hand as bette davis, though jane russell had massive hands. you also get accosted by people in full costume around there. the dev got into conversation with superman who just wouldn't shut up. rach got attacked by chucky. she proper screamed and everything. and so there we were, minding our own business, chatting to super heroes, when this bloke comes up to us and asks us whether we want to be in the studio audience for the us version of 'deal or no deal'. the next thing we know, we're whisked off on a bus and sat in the back row of a tv set. check that out! it was hilarious. we spent the whole afternoon clapping and whooping like maniacs full of e numbers. lovely myra won 83 grand whereas nobhead peter lost out on a quarter of a million, winning a hundred grand. we were willing him to lose whereas everyone else in the audience was getting giddy and shouting encouragement (though, to be fair, they probably just wanted to hear their own shouts on national telly - and, admittedly, i did shout out 'no deal' right at the last minute so my voice could be heard, but only cos rach told me to). the best bit was at the end where they needed to record random audience reactions so we were told to 'chuckle lightly' or 'laugh loudly into applause' on the count of five. i couldn't stop crying with laughter at rach clapping inanely like a mad seal and laughing theatrically.

and then, before we knew it, they bussed us back to where they had picked us up on the street. it was like being dorothy, whisked away to oz. what a strange place l.a. is, where such strange things happen. today, rach had a pampering day whilst me, the dev and a kiwi lass called amy headed to venice beach. hippyville. there were people on the sidewalk asking for money to go to their 'pot fund'. i say, get your own. we saw muscle beach, though there was a disappointing lack of people working out. there's a small grandstand thing you can sit on and watch. we got a smoothie and instead watched a basketball game between some blokes that probably should have been at work. one guy asked us if we were from manchester, which is the closest anyone has been yet. most people out here think we're australian. it was fun watching 'real' american culture in action. we then lounged on the beach, had a deluxe icecream full of cookies, and then wandered through the canals of venice of venice beach. they were pretty cottagey-type affairs on the waterside. a bit like norfolk, i presume. it seemed very villagey. all artsy and that. very nice.

tomorrow we are succumbing to the obvious and going on a hostel-organised coach trip round all the homes of the stars. should be a laugh, if nothing else. well, it's got to be done...